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By Robert Irwin, July 3, 2008 11:19 am

I wanted to give you a fourth of July weekend gift…a recommendation.

I just finished a book that I think you will find inspiring and valuable.

It is titled, “Just Do It,” by author Douglas Brown.

Douglas is a writer for The Denver Post.

After returning from a conference, he told his wife that he had learned that some of the men at the conference were part of “The 100 Day Club.” This “club” was a group of men that had NOT had sex for 100 days or more. The reasons for this lack of sex were different, but they were sharing the misery.

His wife thought that it might be a positive experiment to try the opposite tack…100 days of sex.

They did their experiment and the result was this book.

And this book is…really cool.

Although the book does detail (in some respect) their sex life, it is NOT graphic at all; it is, actually, fairly tame.

It is, ultimately, a love story. And, it is a real primer on the benefits of “real” married sex…not the “fake” kind of sex that you see in Hollywood movies or pornography.

At the end of their 100 day experiment, they were closer and more fulfilled.

If you have read either Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband or Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife, you know that we promote the idea that, sometimes, you have to “just do it.”

You don’t wait until all of the situations in your life (or marriage) are perfect.

You don’t wait until you both “feel like it.”

You just…DO IT.

And, once you are “doing it,” you experience the power of marital sex…and its ability to improve and heal your relationship.

You can find an excerpt from this book here.

And, you can watch an interview with the author and his wife in the video below.

Have a great “4th weekend.”

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By Robert Irwin, July 1, 2008 11:26 am

If you have been a regular visitor for any amount of time, you may have noticed that we have not posted new blog posts in a few weeks.

And, you also may have noticed that many of the links on this site were not working.

This is because we have been battling “blog spammers” that flood the site with hundreds of fake comments (generated by machines) that are simply advertisements for (mostly) porn sites.

I guess when you try to promote positive, Christian sexuality, some people aren’t thrilled.

But, we believe that we have solved the technical issues that needed to be addressed and we plan on resuming regular posting.

Also, all of the links should now be working again.

We sincerely apologize for this recent situation and appreciate your patience and (to those of you that emailed us about this) your concern and prayers.

Let us know if you find anything NOT working still.

-Robert

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By Robert Irwin, June 12, 2008 10:01 am

I am putting the final touches on a new book that deals with, specifically, how Christian husbands can overcome issues with premature ejaculation.

If you are a husband that deals with this issue (or a wife of a husband that does), I would like to hear your story.

I want to ensure that the final book deals with ALL of the issues that concern you.

And, if you are dealing with this problem, I would like to send you (when the draft is ready) a draft copy of this book for your use and (potential) testimonials.

If you would like to have some input, before the book is completed, and you would like to be considered to receive a free draft copy to try, please send me an email at robert_irwin@comcast.net and let me know the following:

1) How has PE effected you and your marriage.

2) What would you MOST like to see/learn in a book about overcoming PE.

3) Are you open to trying the techniques in a new book and giving your feedback/testimonial?

Thanks for the help.

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By Robert Irwin, June 10, 2008 10:15 am

Our focus is sex within marriage.

Our books, Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband and Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife are intended to help married Christian couples to make their marriages and sex life everything that God intended.

But, occasionally, we get questions from Christians that are single (unmarried, divorced or widowed). They are struggling with how to reconcile their sexuality and their “singleness.”

For those people, we now have a new resource to recommend: Lauren Winner’s “Real Sex:The Naked Truth About Chastity.”

This book deals with Christian sexual ethics, specifically Chastity in an intelligent and clear way.

It also confronts many of our culture’s current assumptions about sex and sexuality.

Single Christians should find this book to be a valuable and important addition to their library.

Below is an review of the book found on Laura’s web site. It will give you a taste of what you will find in the book.

A review of Lauren Winner’s Real Sex: The Naked Truth about Chastity

When Lauren Winner wrote about her conversion from Orthodox Judaism to Christianity in her 2003 memoir, Girl Meets God, her frank recognition of the complexities of newfound faith were unpredictable and charming. As she takes up the question of sex and chastity in her new book Real Sex, her candor is not only resonant, it is uniquely insightful. In what seems likely to emerge as a critical resource for any Christian seeking to pursue a coherent sexual ethic in a hyper-sexualized culture, Winner effectively redefines the scope of Christian sexual ethics to incorporate realities-as-they-really-are within the church. She emphasizes the profound relevance of Scripture and tradition as a remedy, while articulating a winsome, yet bold challenge for the Church to be less modest about its call to chastity.

It’s no surprise to anyone who watches television or shops at a mall that traditional sexual morality is on the decline. According to current statistics, about 65 percent of teenagers have sex before they finish high school and approximately 75 percent of adults have sex before they get married. What may come as a surprise, however, is how steep the decline is—not only within the culture, but also within the Church. In the 1990’s three separate surveys of single Christians showed only one-third of unmarried Christians are virgins. Likewise, of the students and young adults who signed abstinence pledges as part of religious sex-ed programs, 61 percent of students broke their pledge and of the 39 percent who kept it, 55 percent admitted to having oral sex, which they didn’t consider to be sex.

For some, these statistics supply more-than-justifiable grounds to rant about the weakened moral fabric of American culture. But for Winner, these statistics simply identify a growing need within the Church that faith, scripture, discipline and community are sufficient to address; she offers hope in what could otherwise be deemed a hopeless situation.

Central to her evenhanded call is a strong reliance on the truth that our bodies are good (as are our desires when rightly ordered) and that Scripture offers a much more coherent and comprehensive sexual ethic than is typically communicated in classic virginity-centric models of ministry. As she puts it,

To organize one’s Christian sexual ethics around virginity is to turn sexual purity and sexual sin into a light switch you can flip—one day you’re sexually righteous, and the next day, after illicit loss of your virginity, you’re a sinner.

This is not to suggest that Winner thinks pre-marital virginity is unimportant. Rather she refuses to indulge the slippery slope, how-far-is-too-far question, pushing the reader to explore and consider the depth and richness of God’s full story of creation, wholeness and redemption. She rejects what German theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer might call the “cheap grace

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By Robert Irwin, June 3, 2008 10:08 am

Dr. Joy Davidson is a certified sex expert, licensed marriage and family therapist, based in New York. She is one of the advisers on the Love And Health site.

She is a ’secular’ sex expert and we don’t endorse everything that she (or her site) promotes, but I find the majority of her advice to be very solid.

I find her comments in the following video (below) to be particularly important and relevant to our audience. It deals with the recent assumption that females with a less than nymphomaniacal desire for sex are…dysfunctional.

She is, specifically, addressing the fact that many in the health fields (read: Pharmaceutical companies) have a vested interest in making women feel ‘dysfunctional’ for having what, most likely, is a ‘normal’ level of sexual desire…given their age and situation.

The ‘pharmaceutical factor’ that has changed the landscape of sexuality has both negative and positive consequences.

Now that many (especially older) men can solve the ‘natural’ decline in sexual powers through the magic of drugs such as Viagra, there has been a (negative) pressure put on women to ’step it up’ and begin to perform, sexually, in a way that was never expected of women (of a ‘certain age’) before; there is an assumption that their (formerly) normal level of sexual desire is now…a dysfunction.

The positive consequence of this situation is that (some) focus has begun to be placed on the reasons for female lack of sexual desire.

Although the pharmaceutical companies hope that we buy into the idea that this ‘dysfunction’ can be solved via a ‘magic pill,’ many others are starting to focus on the real reasons for much lack of female desire…relational, emotional, physical (normal aging) and…the lack of technical skill of their husbands.

If you have been a reader of this blog for any amount of time, you know that we completely agree.

Most of the ’sex problems’ that we deal with here have NOTHING to do with sex; they are relationship problems. It is IMPOSSIBLE to expect a fully functioning and exciting and fulfilling sex life when the relationship has gaps or problems. Before expecting progress in the bed room, many couples will have to face the reality that their relationship is lacking and shore it up first. And, if the problems in the bedroom seem to originate with a lack of desire on the part of the woman, then you may need to explore WHY she doesn’t feel desire. Does she feel loved, supported, cared for, emotionally fed in all other areas?

Once the relationship is on solid ground, it is necessary that you explore the ‘technical’ aspects of your lovemaking.

In Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife, we explore the ‘technical’ factors (and techniques) that are necessary for a woman to achieve physical satisfaction.

In Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband, we explore the ‘technical’ factors (and techniques) that the husband MUST understand to provide ‘a fighting chance’ for the woman to achieve sufficient satisfaction to allow natural desire to ‘kick in.’

If the relationship is positive and solid and you have addressed the ‘technical’ factors and (this is the important question) you both still feel that your overall lack of desire is less than you would like, then you MIGHT want to consider pharmaceutical approaches.

Dr. Davidson says…

Now, this is probably bad news for anybody who wants life to fit into neat categories, who prefers to see things in black and white rather than shades of grey. But for women who can accept that sexuality is as individual as personality, it’s good to know that there are millions of “normals