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By Robert Irwin, January 22, 2008 11:11 am

A new product has just been released that claims to provide a non-prescription solution for female arousal issues.

It is called Zestra and is now available widely, over the counter.

On their website, they make the following claims…

Clinical studies show Zestra® increases arousal and pleasure, improving the satisfaction of both women and their partners.

Zestra®, the only women’s intimacy product clinically shown to quickly increase female sexual sensation, arousal and pleasure, is the topically applied, non-prescription solution that significantly enhances sexual satisfaction of women and their partners. Recommended by numerous books on women’s sexual health, Zestra is the leading women’s intimacy product in the United States and is sold at 40,000 retailers.

Applied during foreplay, Zestra is the long-awaited breakthrough for the 43 percent women that have problems with desire, arousal and enjoying satisfying sexual experiences. Leading women’s health professionals recommend Zestra because it’s the only clinically studied product available that effectively addresses female sexual problems. Zestra’s patented formula is the result of seven years of research and clinical testing.

Specifically designed for the sensitive needs of women, Zestra is hormone-free and does not contain potentially harmful synthetic chemicals or parabens. Parabens, which the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency views as disrupters of the body’s endocrine system, have been linked to breast cancer, lowered sperm counts and allergic reactions. Zestra is an all-natural formulation of two botanical oils and two extracts, protected by United States and European patents.

Zestra in particular helps women who are suffering sexual side effects resulting from menopause, depression, the use of SSRI anti-depressants, a hysterectomy, hormonal changes, diabetes, and aging.

Below is a news report I found about Zestra.

Please let us know if you try it. We would love to know your results.

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By Robert Irwin, January 10, 2008 9:39 am

Body Image–A Huge Problem For Small Self Esteem

Body image is a HUGE (excuse the pun) problem with women in the U.S. A recent Glamour Magazine survey found that 75% of women ages 18-35 believe they are fat. Even though only 60 percent actually are overweight, they have a skewed body image. The vast majority of women don’t see themselves as slender and attractive.

According to the 2000 census, the female population of the United States is over 140 million. This means over 84 million women in our country are overweight. Nearly 40 million women are medically obese. If thin women feel lousy about themselves, you know how large women feel. They have even more serious body image issues.

Researchers at Penn State who surveyed women about their sexual satisfaction found that the less attractive a woman felt, the less sexual desire and activity she experienced. Since women who are overweight are conditioned by society’s pervasive “thin is beautiful

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By Robert Irwin, November 26, 2007 10:01 am

For years, we have received emails that doubt the existence of the female G-Spot.

And, for years, we have taught Christian married couples how to find, stimulate and enjoy the female G-Spot.

Recently, we have included a comprehensive video guide to the female G Spot as part of The Ultimate Christian Sex Library.

Now, if you are still doubting…doctors are offering “G Spot Amplification” outpatient procedures.

Below, a doctor explains the procedure…

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By Robert Irwin, August 6, 2007 12:30 pm

The last few posts have dealt with my frustration regarding the huge number of Christian couples that are living lives of desperation because their spouse has unilaterally decided that sex is not an important part of their marriage. Yes, Stay tuned for “Round III”.

One of our members on the MyChristianMarriage.net Forums experienced a huge disappointment last week. She and her husband had been planning on attending a marriage retreat at their church; they wanted to work through her husband’s lack of sexual desire.

At the last minute, he called her and told her that he didn’t want to go to the retreat…that it was “a waste of time and gas.”

As you can see, this caused Susan to (almost) “pop a gasket.”

Now, I want you to understand Susan’s points…

She and I both feel that we must humbly approach our spouses with our needs and desires. But, when it becomes clear that our spouse just doesn’t care about our needs and desires, it is sometimes necessary to stop quietly wishing and hoping that things will change; we need to clearly and openly express our frustration/disappointment.

Most of the time, this will be ALL we need to do. Most of us are bad communicators…not bad people. But, God does not expect us to spend months or years quietly waiting for our spouse to “magically” change.

Her response is below…

Raco,

I have not had the opportunity to respond much this past week or so, but I HAD to respond to your post.

I was so upset reading you post that I, literally, became sick to my stomach.

I (and I am sure many others) have noticed your references to this upcoming retreat. We all had high hopes for the potential progress that could have been made during this event.

Hearing that your husband has decided that he is “too tired” and that it is simply “a waste of time and gas” makes me want to drive to your house and do a “Dr. Phil” on your husband.

And, in my opinion, that is EXACTLY what your husband needs to experience. He needs to have someone ask him, “What is your major malfunction?”

As with all other posts in this forum, we only know one side of the story. But, it seems fairly clear that you are the one putting in any effort towards making progress.

It is HIGH TIME that your husband understands clearly that his continued actions (or inaction) could very well lead to a very negative result.

****OKAY…TAKING A BREATH****

First things first.

Robert and I will definitely pray for your situation…and that God will touch your husband in a way that makes him more open to progress.

And, I am sure that everyone else on this board will do the same.

That being said…

As I consider your post, I believe that there are two possible major disconnects in your relationship right now:

1) You and your husband lack communication skills.

You told us (for weeks) about how important this event was for you.

You told us how much you were looking forward to it.

You told us the fun (sexy) things you planned for him.

Did you tell him?

I sense that there may be a bit of hesitation on your part to clearly communicate your needs/wants/expectations.

I know that this is most likely caused by your fear of his rejection. But, you gain NOTHING from avoiding communication.

Rejection is better than avoidance. You can figure out a strategy to overcome his rejection/indifference…you can’t accomplish anything if you two aren’t actually communicating in a real way.

2) Your husband is simply being a bad, lazy and insensitive husband.

You have control over the first scenario.

You are not in complete control of the second.

Either way, you need to stop cowering and swallowing and living with the lowest possible expectation.

The only way you can actually move forward is to KNOW, as soon as possible, what problems you are actually dealing with.

Now (and I hope this is the case with your husband), some men will only put in the effort necessary to achieve “minimum hassle” in a relationship. And, if their wife is not prone to have relatively high expectations, they then continue on in their laziness hoping to stay in that (sad soft) middle place of relationship mediocrity (no one is crying. no one is screaming. no one is throwing pots and pans…I guess I’m a great husband).

With these husbands, the relationship can be greatly moved out of mediocrity simply by the wife demanding and expecting more.

With these types of husbands (just lazy and selfish…not truly “bad”), they will respond to a wife’s expectations and demands because (deep down) his self esteem is tied to how his wife perceives him.

You MAY be in this situation. In that case, you may see some real progress simply by making your expectations and needs CRYSTAL clear and then…holding him accountable.

This is the classic case of the homemaker that “goes on strike.” If he is this type of husband, he will not want to know that you look upon him in a negative way…and he will do the math on what is easier…pleasing you occasionally…is easier than making his own meals or doing his own laundry.

You must know (if your husband is this type of man) that you have TREMENDOUS POWER to influence change in the relationship. MOST men DO want to please their wives…down deep…beneath their natural laziness.

But…

If your husband is “the other type of man”…the kind that just doesn’t give a **** about pleasing you…or making you happy…or being a decent, good husband…than you have an entirely different battle on your hands.

God can still work in this type of situation, but NOTHING will happen until you FORCE the issue in some MAJOR way.

You NEED to KNOW what you are dealing with…who you are dealing with.

I am, in no way, advocating anything radical. He’s not abusing you. He’s not cheating. He’s still supporting you.

But…I am advocating that you make a DRAMATIC shift in your approach to your relationship…IMMEDIATELY.

If it is a communication issue (partly your fault) work through it. NO matter how uncomfortable or painful it may be…you two need to communicate in a real way.

It it is his laziness. You need to set higher expectations and punish his not meeting them in real ways. Stop enabling his selfishness. He can do his own laundry. He can make his own meals. He can watch the kids while you go to the movies with your friends.

If he is withholding emotionally…you need to start to withhold things that he NEEDS and WANTS…whatever they may be.

If he is just lazy and selfish…this may break him into reality.

If (and you will discover this fairly quickly) he is simply an uncaring, bad husband, then you need to FORCE him to seek counseling with a professional or a pastor.

If he refuses, you need to make it clear that you WILL NOT remain in a marriage…forever…with a man that refuses to reciprocate in any real way.

Divorce is always the last option…to be avoided at all costs…but, it is not always the wrong thing. Who among us can really draw the distinctions between living with physical/emotional abuse and the abuse of neglect?

So…

1) Before doing anything, get on your knees; ask God what you need to do.
2) Go to whatever local Christian resources you have available for support. Confide in them your situation and see if their closeness to the situation sheds any light for you.
3)START CHANGING UP THE GAME IMMEDIATELY. Communicate your expectations…and then EXPECT that he fulfills them.

I will be very interested to know how you responded to his cancellation of this trip.

Did you just swallow your anger and disappointment and tell us about it?

Or, did you throw a righteous fit?

Please understand…although the tone of this response may seem harsh…it is not harsh towards you…I am not blaming you at all.

But, I am grieving for you and want to help you make some real progress before you give up all hope.

Susan

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By Robert Irwin, July 18, 2007 12:50 pm

OR…..

One of the fundamental mistakes that couples make, sexually, is not respecting the REALITY of the differences in the male and female sexual response cycles.

The more that we understand and work WITH our sexual response cycles, the more SUCCESS we will experience.

There are four phases of the sexual response cycle:

1)Excitement/Arousal
2)Plateau
3)Orgasm
4)Resolution

Men and women respond differently during each of these phases…especially during the first (excitement/arousal).

Men, generally, are very easily aroused/excited. They are the sexual equivalent of the Hyundai; great for starting and stopping (sexual “city driving”). Women are the sexual equivalent of the Ferrari. You need to ensure that you properly care for and prime them before you expect acceleration. But, once you do get them going…look out; you may not be able to stop them!

This causes a multitude of mis communications and missed opportunities for couples.

The man needs to “cool” his arousal/excitement enough to give his wife time to go from foreplay to true arousal.

The woman needs to understand (and trust) that if she allows herself to “start” BEFORE SHE FEELS AROUSED…most of the time…she WILL become aroused.

From this point on…you are “off to the races,” so to speak. At this point, you are on a “level playing field,” sexually; you are both participating with a high level of sexual arousal.

It is at this point that (many) women can easily surpass their husbands in sexual arousal/excitement, etc.

You just have to work through the initial “mismatch” in the first phase of the sexual response cycle.

If you factor this into your marriage, your sex life can exist on the “sexual autobahn.”

P.S. I know practically NOTHING about sports cars. So, if my analogies are lame, forgive me. I’m sure you (kind of) understand the point I’m trying to make.

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By Robert Irwin, July 9, 2007 10:35 am

So far, so good…

The Christian Marriage Forum are off to a great start.

We have been thrilled with everyone’s willingness to share and participate and it appears as if these forums are well on their way to becoming a truly valuable resource for married Christians everywhere.

Today, Susan posted a response within a thread regarding several Christian wives that were having difficulty getting their husbands to consider giving them oral pleasure.

I thought it was such a great post that I decided to reprint it here as today’s post…

This thread further demonstrates what we have seen in our work with many Christian couples in the past…oral sex is a “hot topic” within many Christian marriages.

Is it sinful?
Is it unhealthy?
Is it disgusting?
Is it selfish to desire it?

Well, I’m going to “wade into the waters” and try to help…

Is it sinful?

In my opinion, the ONLY possible angle in which desiring/requesting oral sex from your partner could be considered sinful is when you are violating Scripture’s command for sex between married partners to be in an environment of “mutuality.”

If your request/desire for oral sex (at that particular point in time) is not at a particularly “good” time (your husband is sick, your husband is depressed, your husband is truly not in the mood right that moment), then it might be possible for your request to be (momentarily) selfish and/or sinful.

But, there is NO Scriptural basis for avoiding oral sex. Oral sex is NOT specifically mentioned in Scripture in either a positive or negative way.

Although, some (creative, admittedly) Bible scholars believe that you can find allusions to oral sex within the Bible.

In the Song of Solomon, you find…

* Song 2:3, “Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men. In his shade I took great delight and sat down, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.” (Oral sex on him?)
* Song 4:16, “Awake, O north wind, and come, wind of the south; make my garden breathe out fragrance. Let its spices be wafted abroad. May my beloved come into his garden and eat its choice fruits!

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By Robert Irwin, June 28, 2007 9:50 am

Below is the trailer for an important recent film, “Soulmate.”

This film is a documentary by writer-producer-director Andrea Wiley.

“Soulmate” explores the issues that are faced by modern black women. It takes an intimate look at the lives of accomplished, professional Black women who are finding purpose while single and offers practical advice from some of the nation’s leading Christian leaders.

It is difficult to find a good, Christian relationship. It is (statistically) almost impossible for many black women. According to the statistics on the film’s website, www.soulmatefilm.com, 42.3% of black women have never been married and according to recent U.S. statistics, 70% of all black women are now single.

Andrea says, about her film…

“My hope and prayer, always, is that ‘Soulmate’ will serve as a change agent in the lives of those who see it… I hope the testimonies of women in this film will inspire people to examine their spiritual lives, move beyond the traps that singleness sometimes creates for those who wish to be married and find wholeness in an intimate relationship with God.

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By Robert Irwin, April 2, 2007 10:31 am

This weekend, we received the following email from a reader:

Thank you Susan for Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Woman. Very insightful!

I have one quick question about female orgasm. If I have a clitoral orgasm can I then have a vaginal orgasm shortly there after? Or can I only have one or the other?

Thanks again!
Liz

As we discuss, in detail in Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Woman, women are capable of a myriad of different types of sexual pleasure.

They are capable of experiencing what would be described as both “clitoral” or “vaginal” orgasms. The former is felt mostly in the outer third of the genital area. The latter is felt more deeply within the vaginal walls. It is time well spent learning how to experience both types of orgasms, but…

Don’t make “the best” the enemy of “the good.” Ultimately, we believe that most female orgasms are “clitoral” in some sense. It is possible to stimulate the clitoris in indirect ways. The exception to this rule may be g spot orgasms. It is possible to achieve g spot orgasms with little or no stimulation of the clitoris (direct or indirect) and these g spot orgasms
are described as being significantly different than “regular” (clitoral?) orgasms; they are deeper, more intense and (sometimes) include female ejaculate.

Otherwise, the difference between “clitoral” and “vaginal” orgasms may be a matter of degrees. Clitoral orgasms are (relatively) easier to achieve and produce a more “surface” type of orgasm. Vaginal orgasms are (relatively) more difficult to achieve and produce a “deeper,” “longer” and more intense “wave” of pleasure. The former is great for every day life. The latter is for those special times each month when you have the time and energy to invest in more intense pleasure.

To your question…

It is possible to experience one type right after the other. Although, it is, generally, recommended that you seek a vaginal orgasm first; once you have experienced a clitoral orgasm, it is more difficult to muster the patience and energy necessary to create a vaginal orgasm.

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By Robert Irwin, March 1, 2007 11:38 am

Many times, overcoming a woman’s inability to orgasm is much simpler than you may think.

You will find a comprehensive game plan for achieving your female orgasmic potential in Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife.

The broad overview of what is necessary is…

1) Change your expectations. Believe that you have the ability to become multi-orgasmic.

2) Take an ACTIVE role in your sexual interactions; participate and coordinate your sexual interactions to maximize your pleasure and ability to achieve orgasm.

3) Focus on your clitoris. Most women need direct clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm.

4) Strengthen your pelvic area with exercises such as “kegels.”

The video below discusses some of the common methods to move towards achieving orgasm. It also specifically mentions some valuable “exercise” devices that will help you with the most critical factor necessary to being orgasmic; a strong pelvic area…

This video will also be available in the Christian Sex Videos section.

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By Robert Irwin, February 26, 2007 11:11 am

Below is a sexual education video by Dr. June Machover Reinisch, PhD..

You will also be able to find it on our Christian Sex Videos page that we are currently building. Be sure to check it, periodically for new updates.

This video deals with the “myth” that “normal” women “should” always orgasm through intercourse.

If you have read either Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband and Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife, you know that we address this “myth” directly.

Highlights…

-The myth that that women have two completely distinct types of orgasms (vaginal or clitoral) and that one is “better” than another (clitoral is an “immature” type) was started by our favorite fraud, Freud.

-This myth has NO basis in scientific fact.

-50-70% of women cannot achieve orgasm through penile thrusting alone; they need some type of direct or indirect clitoral stimulation.

-If you want to increase your chances of achieving female orgasm through intercourse, you must ACTIVELY utilize positions or movements that directly or indirectly stimulate the woman’s clitoris.

-Communicating what is pleasurable and what is not is critical to sexual satisfaction.

As we have discussed before, the available “Christian sex” or “Christian sex advice” resource pool is fairly small. So, not every resource that we recommend as valuable will be 100% consistent with our (or your) Christian values.

If we have posted the video on these pages, we simply endorse the “technical” value of the information contained within the video. Feel free to take the other information contained “with a grain of salt.”

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