This Weeks Christian Marriage Recommended Resource:

“The Ultimate Romantic Collection”

Would you like to have the sort of relationship
that makes all of your friends and family look at
you with amazement and say “I wish we could have
a marriage like theirs”?

Well, we’ve just made it easier for you to
accomplish this goal!

As you know, Michael Webb, aka “The Romantic,” is
one of our favorite authors. He is a Christian,
has appeared on Oprah (and 700+ other shows) and
his books are universally regarded as the best of
their kind.

We are proud to announce that, for a limited
time, Michael is going to extend a HUGE discount
to our readers! If you order quickly and through
our special link (below) you can receive ALL of
Michael’s books PLUS over $1200 in additional
bonuses for one very low price!

Please act quickly and take advantage of this
special “readers only” discount before it
expires.

You can find this special “Marriage Secrets
Reader’s Discount” here:

http://csf001.666666.hop.clickbank.net/?tid=csfblg

**********

Robert & Susan’s News and Notes:

We have finalized our relationship with “My
Beloved’s Garden,” one of the premier “Christian
Sex Toy” sites. If you are interested in
purchasing toys or other fun products (in a safe,
non-pornographic environment), be sure to visit
their site at:

http://www.christian-sex.net/toys/

We are offering a “pre-launch” special offer
price on Robert’s latest book, “Sexless No More:
What Every Christian Husband Must Know To Bring
The Sex Back To His Marriage…”

We are not finished with the final layout, etc.,
and we wanted to give you an opportunity to get
this new book for only $27.00.

Many, many men have asked us, “Do you have any
advice for men who’s wives are never in the
mood?” This book is that advice. You can take
advantage of this “pre-launch” pricing at:

http://christiansexfacts.com

~Robert

**********

This Week’s Christian Marriage Secrets Quote:

“Success in marriage does not come merely through
finding the right mate, but through being the
right mate…”

~Barnett R. Brickner

**********

This Week’s Sexual Relationship Tip:

“Sexual Poker…”

Play a game of “Sexual Poker” with your spouse.

Create ten or fifteen “cards” out of notepaper.

You and your spouse write down things they like
or don’t like to do (not just sexual; they could
be chores, dinner, etc.) on these pieces of
notepaper. Make sure that some are romantic or
sexual. Then put the pieces of paper in the
middle and either of you can use them as “ante”
(bets).

Then play poker for a pre-determined amount of
time (an hour is good). When the time is up, you
get to keep the items that you won to use during
the next few weeks. Of course, you both have to
agree that each must follow through when these
“bets” are redeemed!

~Robert

**********

This weeks Christian Marriage Relationship Article:

“FOUR A’S FOR A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE…”

by willetta pilcher

Marriage… everyone expects it to be a “live
happily-ever-after situation and if there happens
to be a problem… it will all be solved in
thirty to sixty minutes. That scenario makes for
a good story line but definitely not true to life
for anyone!

Marriage takes commitment such as the wedding
vows state. For better, for worse, for richer,
for poorer and in almost every marriage there is
some of each ingredient at some point or other.
Sometimes there is more of one ingredient than
another. Sometimes they come in pairs but such is
life.

Marriage was not instituted for “happiness”parse.
Although the joy of oneness and wholeness must
have been intense for the first couple. God’s
instructions to the first pair, Adam and Eve
were, Gen 1:27-28 “So God created man in his own
image, in the image of God created he him; male
and female created he them. And God blessed them,
and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and
multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it:
and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and
over the fowl of the air, and over every living
thing that moveth upon the earth.” Gen 2:15 “And
the LORD God took the man, and put him into the
garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.”

With the pleasure of marriage came
responsibility. One man working together with one
woman to replenish the earth and subdue it. That
required co-operation. Both were given equal
responsibility for the earth. But neither of them
was complete without the other. When God said he
would make a helpmeet for Adam it revealed God’s
understanding that Adam needed companionship. A
companion who would be able to reciprocate his
feelings and who would be able to take an
intelligent and appropriate part in his
activities. Together they would accomplish God’s
bidding.

Working together would require the communication
of ideas and in the process sharing the
spontaneous outflow of mutual respect and love
for each other with an appreciation for the
skills and deeds of the other. The man and woman
would bond with each other to the exclusion of
all others. There would be common care of
children and a constant heartfelt worship of the
heavenly Father. Such was to be the constitution
of marriage.

But sin entered paradise.

Sin destroyed marriage as God intended it to be.
Blame, division, domination, the desire for
position, self-centeredness, selfishness along
with hard, sweat producing work became the norm
for marriage.

And so today we struggle with the age old
problems started so long ago when sin entered
into the perfect beautiful garden that God
himself had planted. Sin’s curse is everywhere
present upon this planet.

But Jesus came to destroy sin’s curse in our
lives. We still live in a sin cursed world but we
are given the ability to rise above it’s
influence in our lives through the Lord Jesus.
Eph 2:2 – 10 “Wherein in time past ye walked
according to the course of this world, according
to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit
that now worketh in the children of disobedience:
Among whom also we all had our conversation in
times past in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling
the desires of the flesh and of the mind; and
were by nature the children of wrath, even as
others. But God, who is rich in mercy, for his
great love wherewith he loved us, Even when we
were dead in sins, hath quickened us together
with Christ, by (grace ye are saved;) And hath
raised us up together, and made us sit together
in heavenly places in Christ Jesus: That in the
ages to come he might show the exceeding riches
of his grace in his kindness toward us through
Christ Jesus. For by grace are ye saved through
faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift
of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ
Jesus unto good works, which God hath before
ordained that we should walk in them.”

1Jo 5:3-5 “For this is the love of God, that we
keep his commandments: and his commandments are
not grievous. For whatsoever is born of God
overcometh the world: and this is the victory
that overcometh the world, even our faith. Who is
he that overcometh the world, but he that
believeth that Jesus is the Son of God?”

Therefore, as Christians we must strive to allow
the workings of God in our lives as we overcome
the curse of sin within our marriages. We must
agree together to accept the responsibility laid
upon mankind in the beginning, co-operate with
our mate, communicate our ideas to each other
with mutual respect and love with an appreciation
for the skills and deeds of the other. There must
be a mutual bonding that excludes all others and
a common care of our children and a constant
heartfelt worship of the heavenly Father. All
this we are to strive to accomplish while we
struggle in the natural with the effects of a
fallen world.

Our striving is not to be a “fleshly” striving.
Rather it is to be the result of submission to
the will of the Father and an obedience to the
commands of Jesus to love one another even as He
loved us. That love is a sacrificial love and can
only be attained as we give ourselves
wholeheartedly to the Lord Jesus Christ. As we
submit to His Lordship we learn to give ourselves
to our mates in an unconditional love.

That my friend is not a “live-happily-ever-after”
proposition. It takes dying to oneself and living
for another. And dying is often messy and painful
but love will overcome it all.

So how shall I fulfill my responsibility… I
believe there are four A’s to be considered:

1. AWARENESS: What is my spouse’s greatest need
right now? How can I cooperate with God to
fulfill that need.

So often we see the “need” in our mate and want
to “fix it.” And so with “fleshly wisdom” we
start in on that person trying to change them.
Criticism and attempted coercion comes into play
and the result leads to arguments, debates,
self-righteous pronouncements and spiteful
humiliation.

Gal 6:1-5 gives good advice. “Brethren, if a man
be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual,
restore such a one in the spirit of meekness;
considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.
Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the
law of Christ. For if a man think himself to be
something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth
himself. But let every man prove his own work,
and then shall he have rejoicing in himself
alone, and not in another. For every man shall
bear his own burden.”

When I see a need in my mate I need to consider
what process God wants to use in restoring that
person. I must bathe that situation in prayer and
approach it with deep humility in God’s timing
and with His wisdom. But I must also watch my own
behavior because I’m not perfect and the next
time it may be my turn to be corrected. Each
party has faults that need to be overcome. Such
is the state of humanity.

2. ACCEPTANCE: Accept my spouse as Christ has
accepted me, idiosyncrasies and all.

All of us need to be accepted for who we are and
who we desire to be. If I desire to be accepted
then I must give that acceptance to others. It
does not mean that I approve of all of their
behavior but I must accept them where they are
with a view to co-operate with God in the
process.

Often we get mixed up on accepting people vs
accepting their sinful behavior. Jesus exampled
the correct way of responding to this problem. Do
you remember the woman at the well in John 4? He
accepted her as a person that needed something
she could not attain on her own. She was living
in adultery. Being thirsty for love and
acceptance she tried to find it in relationships
with the opposite sex but it was not to be found.
It wasn’t until she surrendered herself to Jesus
that she found the acceptance and love that she
had thirsted for for so long.

Jesus saw in her what she could/would become when
she received what He had to give. We in turn need
to see what God sees in people. People, hungry
and thirsty, trying to fulfill the need in a
million fleshy ways and in the process making
mistake after mistake until their lives lay in
tatters all around them. God’s response is as the
song says, “He looked beyond my fault and saw my
need.” We need to do the same with compassion and
respect.

Jesus approached this lady with compassion and
respect. He acknowledged her sin and spoke to her
about it but He did not condemn her. Instead He
told her of a better way… a way that would
satisfy the longing in her heart.

3. ADJUSTMENT: The lifelong process of changing
and being changed. The best way to see someone
else change is to change yourself. One must
forever give up the idea of changing their
partner. Only God can change a person’s heart and
if the heart is not changed no real life changing
experience has been accomplished. We may coerce a
change of action for our own comfort but it will
not last because it is a work of human effort.

Marriage requires lots of adjustment. Most people
do not like change. They’d rather stay with the
status quo because it is more familiar. But we
will never grow in God or have a happy, peaceful
marriage, staying as we are. Change must
inevitably happen.

All to often we insist on the other person
changing to our standards. We need to understand
this. We cannot change anyone. We may coerce them
into compliance but compliance is not change.
Genuine change must come from within therefore it
must come from/through God. Anything short of
that will not produce good fruit.

Since we cannot change others we must focus on
changing ourselves under the dictates of the
Spirit of God. As we allow God to change us, our
unruly self will not adversely effect others. In
the process they will have the freedom to change.
When the focus is on the other person, change
becomes impossible for both parties.

God has given each of us a will and even He will
not violate that will. He allows us to choose.
The consequences of our choice are ours. That we
can be assured of but the choice is still ours to
make. If we try to force or coerce others into
compliance we try to play a “god role” which is
very unlike Almighty God but very much like the
god of this world, Satan.

4. Last but certainly not least is APPRECIATION:
this means to build up, to increase in value
appreciate the similarities and differences we
share.

I used to chafe under my husbands perfectionistic
ways until the Lord Jesus revealed to my heart
the advantage of his perfection. He was a skilled
machinist. Consequently he was a valuable
employee and provided a good income for us. He
took great pride in keeping his vehicles in top
running order. Consequently I was never caught
out on the road in a broken down vehicle (except
for the time “I” forgot to put gas in the van).
I’ve only had a flat tire once in my entire life
even though I’ve driven thousands of miles and
that wasn’t my husband’s fault. I had picked up a
nail, probably in a customer’s driveway. He
always took pride in how he dressed. His clothes
were not fifth avenue but he was always clean and
neat. When he built our house he put the best
workmanship possible into it. It seemed like it
took forever but it was done right. I could go on
but I think you get the picture. His
perfectionistic ways produced many wonderful
benefits. I just needed to learn to appreciate
them.

When I taught the Family Relationship’s Class at
our church I used to give my class of young
married couples an assignment. They were to write
all the things about their mate that were an
aggravation to them on a piece of paper. Usually
the pencils flew rapidly down the edge of the
paper. Next they were to turn that paper over and
write down all the things they appreciated about
their mate. As a general rule there was lots of
pencil tapping and puzzled frowns. Obviously,
they hadn’t yet learned the art of appreciation.

It takes so little to observe and appreciate the
good things people do but we live in a negative
world and if we aren’t careful we pick up
negative ways of viewing people. Criticism then
becomes our way of life rather than an attitude
of appreciation and thankfulness.

The idea of loving someone by these four A’s will
work for any relationship. But it will take
deliberate action and determination. It will not
be an “overnight success” story but it will
change your marriage and change it for the
better. Don’t expect the other mate to start.
Take the initiative yourself and watch the change
happen.

One caution. Have the right motive. If you change
your way of relating just so the other person
will change, nothing will happen. Your change
must come from your heart just like you expect it
to be a heart change for the other person.
Anything less is only a work of the flesh.

Next week, my husband and I will celebrate 54
years of marriage. Our relationship with the Lord
Jesus has been a vital component in our marriage.
With my husband’s encouragement I have designed
my own website that has been quite successful.

Willetta Pilcher
www.theseedsower.org

Article Source: http://www.faithwriters.com

**********

This Weeks Christian Marriage Recommended Resource:
“The Ultimate Romantic Collection”

Would you like to have the sort of relationship
that makes all of your friends and family look at
you with amazement and say “I wish we could have
a marriage like theirs”?

Well, we’ve just made it easier for you to
accomplish this goal!

As you know, Michael Webb, aka “The Romantic,” is
one of our favorite authors. He is a Christian,
has appeared on Oprah (and 700+ other shows) and
his books are universally regarded as the best of
their kind.

We are proud to announce that, for a limited
time, Michael is going to extend a HUGE discount
to our readers! If you order quickly and through
our special link (below) you can receive ALL of
Michael’s books PLUS over $1200 in additional
bonuses for one very low price!

Please act quickly and take advantage of this
special “readers only” discount before it
expires.

You can find this special “Marriage Secrets
Reader’s Discount” here:

http://csf001.666666.hop.clickbank.net/?tid=csfblg