As you read the post, you’ll discover why I chose the above headline. Until then, bear with me ladies…

My last post, “Advice To A Husband,” seems to have created much emotion in our readership. I received a ton of emails…all of which alternated between expressing exasperation (with their own situation) and anger with me.

I received several emails very similar to the following:

So, I found your ad on the net by accident as I was not searching for it.

I was reading your messages and information about you and your book. And as always, you like all other Christian men, always put the problems with Christian men and women on the backs of the men. It’s always the man at fault, his lack of knowledge that is the problem, his lack of not knowing what to do are the causes of the problems between Christian men and women. That’s simply not always the case my friend.

God made the woman to have responsibility the same as the man. I am sick and tired of men who are afraid to say anything at all negative about a woman. The woman is just as wrong, and has the same responsibility as the man, if not more responsible.

Your effort is meaningless to me. When I read what you said and how you blamed the man for sexual issues between him and the woman, you lost me completely.

Women are not the perfect, blameless creatures that you all have proposed them to be. God said that himself and no human is blameless–man or woman.

A man cannot force or create a desire in a woman to do anything. It has to come from her own being. Her own separate will and desire.

Where do you come off with this untruth???

I would like to start with a rant about how this gentleman completely misunderstood me…and how he should have put my post in context of the rest of our work…but…it’s MY job to do the “communicating” around here…and, since I received several similar emails, I have to assume that many of you may have misunderstood me.

So, a bit of clarification…

I was IN NO WAY implying that it is possible to generalize and assign most (or any) of “the blame” to the husband when the sex (or any other part of the relationship) is not what it should be.

In our decade of writing, speaking and coaching, we have never found it true (or helpful) to assume that either men or women are “usually” the person at fault.

Sex is no different than any other area of our lives or relationships…

Sometimes the “problem” originates within the husband…sometimes the wife.

Many times…it originates in “the relationship”; it is the bad habits or lack of communication that have developed as part of “the relationship” that need to be dealt with before any progress can be made.

As proof of this, I received many emails regarding this post from wives…they were frustrated because THEY assumed that I was communicating that it is ALWAYS the woman that is less interested in sex…and, in their marriage, it was their husband that showed little (or no) interest in sex.

So…to be VERY clear…

WOMEN ARE FAR FROM PERFECT!

Oh…and…either are men.

Our “specialty” focuses on the sexual part of marriage. But, we quickly discovered that MOST “sex problems” have NOTHING to do with sex…they are “relationship problems.”

Sue and I make our living through this ministry. So, we would like to believe that EVERYONE will benefit from our ministry and books, (Sexual Skills For The Christian Man or Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife), but the reality is…before you can benefit from the “technical” information in most of our books, you first have to make progress on the “relationship” issues that are the REAL problem. Our books (SHORT COMMERCIAL BREAK, DON’T FORGET Sexual Games For Christan Couples and Sexual Positions For Christian Couples) will do you little good if you or your spouse simply “don’t care” about changing and improving.

This applies to both husbands and wives; both husband AND wives can be guilty of being selfish or unwilling to be 100% committed to certain areas of the marriage.

BUT…

Situations where one spouse truly “doesn’t care” are far and few between.

Many times (the point of my previous post), EITHER the husband or wife is not “excited” about the sexual part of the relationship simply because it is an area in which they either A) Have had little past success or pleasure or B) have “hang ups” or issues that they are hesitant to fully express.

In these situations, it is VERY important that you BOTH better communicate AND understand the “technical” aspects of great sex. It isn’t rocket science. But, for many, it also isn’t simple or easy…or obvious.

If you and your spouse JUST communicate your needs and desires to each other, openly and selflessly…and are still faced with little success in bed…you won’t be much further ahead.

If you only work on the “technical” aspects of better sex, and don’t deal with the underlying relationship or communication issues you are still doomed to failure.

BUT…if you do BOTH…you are almost guaranteed success.